a brief story about my 2019

I'm having a mixed feeling about the idea that this year is nearly over since this year was extremely good yet surprising to me. I entered this university I've been dreaming of since forever, University of Indonesia, and get the chance to study psychology, which caught my interest the most. I took a gap year and being accepted there is the most priceless gift among all that happened.

I met new people this year, becoming close friends with several of them in no time. I'm glad that I ended up in psychology since the atmosphere is highly supportive. I could say that it barely put you in a hard time since the very beginning.....lol. I'm not exaggerating anything, that's just how I really feel, even in the orientation back then. 

In case anyone might still be curious about this: yes, oddly, female students dominate this department. I guess I'm so used to meeting girls in every corner lately that I get confused whenever I see some guys around... lol. Still, I don't get why it attracts mostly girls.  I used to think that maybe its because it requires a lot of feelings and ability to understand when it comes to human behavior—back then when I was a fool kid who believes those who choose psychology will eventually become psychologists. I tended to think about psychologist when I heard psychology, then unconsciously labeled this department as something that requires calmness and tenderness. Now I'm here and realized its a bit ridiculous to just think that way. There are various of impressive things we can learn from psychology, turned out can bring us to the various kinds of work: market researcher, for example. Isn't it just suits both genders? well, I'm not saying that psychologist isn't suitable for men, I'm just bringing up the stereotype. Maybe, just maybe, most people just still think the same way as I was. 

Oh, and there's this one thing that has filled my mind lately. I obviously can't deny that I got a bit shocked by the fact that there are a lot of insanely great and smart people there...   it's not like I've never met one before, but I think the amount of which surprised me a lot. perhaps the fact that I'm not used to this kind of environment that sometimes leads me to a particularly overwhelmed kind of state lol. You know, that feeling when you suddenly realized you're far from what's to be called perfect. I feel it in a certain time, especially when I feel like everything about my goals have gone to shit. However, I've been trying to take them as nothing but something which motivates me. Isn't it unfair to just comparing yourself to others while nobody has exactly the same character, talent, or ability? *trying to encourage peeps to see all things as positive while here sobbing quietly* Besides, I should remember my attempts to get in here whenever I feel enough sorrow. I should really convince myself with that. 

Jeez, that's enough sorrow for today.

Another thing I've got from this year is something beyond my expectations. I applied for Jabar Future Leader's scholarship and got accepted.  But that's not the thing. The thing is...  I wouldn't have gotten this if I hadn't taken a gap year, cause this type of scholarship I applied is only available for freshmen. Moreover, and the most important is that this is the very first time that scholarship is held. I dunno but I always have difficulty when describing my feelings towards this. I mean... it's nothing like a coincidence, isn't it? All this time, I had been searching for something that could really answer my question about God's purpose; about his intention putting me in a gap year. Come to think of it, I enjoyed the gap year since I got new friends, new experience, and lots of spare time, but who would've thought it indirectly leads me closer to the scholarship...  well, I could say its somehow unexpected.

Lastly, from all of the things I've written in here, I wanna thank those of you who already took part in this one of my best years; from my family to my buddies—new or old. I'm aware that I couldn't mention you one by one, but there's one thing you should be aware of: your existence truly are precious. Don't think otherwise or I will sue you for not believing the truth. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be this happy leaving this year. I guess I owe you, a lot.